dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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