The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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