I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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