wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
