We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
do herpes really smell.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
