Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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