Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
