didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
