I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
