Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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