when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
