I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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