he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
