And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
