there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
