I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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