she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
