I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
