I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
