I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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