Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
BRING THE BAGELS
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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