He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
