Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have fence marks all over my body
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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