just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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