His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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