I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just found puke in my bra..
My ATM looks so different sober.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
