i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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