I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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