Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
