you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
