Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
third nipple confirmed
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
