I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
