FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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