She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
