I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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