oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
