...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
