I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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