his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
