i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
