Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
