Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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