I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
