the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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