My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
