He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
