Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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