i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
