He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
