just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
